This is one of a series of posts about mediation and restorative practice and some of the challenges and opportunities we encounter as facilitators.
Problem: In other words, if I don’t trust that you will deliver on your end, then I may resist offering options or signing up to my end of the bargain.
TLDR: “You go first.”
Symptoms: Contingent options that are not functionally inter-dependent. Reluctance to offer options in joint session that have been explored in private session/caucus.
Solutions: One solution is to name and normalise the need to build trust. Once the parties are able to be explicit about needing to earn trust back, it is easier to explore other ways parties can demonstrate trust.
Questions to ask might be:
Problem: In other words, if I don’t trust that you will deliver on your end, then I may resist offering options or signing up to my end of the bargain.
TLDR: “You go first.”
Symptoms: Contingent options that are not functionally inter-dependent. Reluctance to offer options in joint session that have been explored in private session/caucus.
Solutions: One solution is to name and normalise the need to build trust. Once the parties are able to be explicit about needing to earn trust back, it is easier to explore other ways parties can demonstrate trust.
Questions to ask might be:
- Is there something that still needs to be said in this session to demonstrate good faith/trust between you?
- Can options include consequences or next steps in the event that they are not upheld by either side? Note this question seeks to find mutual consequences.
- Are there some specific options that allow both sides to demonstrate, build and reflect trust?
- Can options be timed to allow parties to build trust before higher risk elements are implemented? For instance, create some short term 'wins' and delay bigger items until after these are completed.
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